So I mentioned I had an event on thursday.  Since I usually put updates about such things, some of you are probably wondering what happened and where I've been.  Ok, none of you are probably wondering that, but I'm going to tell you all anyway.



I was able to get my car fixed.  Fortunately my family has friends who own a mechanic shop nearby.  They were able to get me in and do an emergency repair for me.  I had them disable the lock on the gas tank, I really don't need it.  And it turns out that this is a common problem, their is a major design flaw in the system.  I've got the tank held shut with a bit of tape, and will eventually devise a proper mechanism.  But the important part is that I was able to get fuel and make the drive.

The event was held on a college campus that I'd never been to before.  I was able to get there, though there were a few touchy moments.  Like when my GPS told me, and I'm not making this up, to "navigate off road" and then showed me driving over the curb and through a fence.  Finding parking was also a bit of a trick, but I didn't get a ticket or towed (though when I first came back I was in the wrong place and panicked a bit about that).

The event itself was neat.  It was a gallery exhibition for the Cosplay in America book.  So the author came, all the way from California to be at the show and later give a talk.  Cosplayers were invited to attend, we had drinks and snacks and photos.  The gallery was in the library, literally right next to the entrance, so everyone had to walk past this big crowd of Cosplayers to get in.  Confused the heck out of people.  That was pretty funny.

I was early, but not the first to arrive.  Despite being in the book, and meeting Ejen (the author) several times, he still didn't recognize me in my street clothes.  After I got changed, Ejen caught on, but apparantly none of the other cosplayers associated me with street clothes me.  Because at the end of the night, when I changed back, it was only then people realized who I was.  And even then, despite having announced that I was changing several times (I needed to know if anyone knew where the bathroom was), and the fact that it was late and our group was the only one still in the building, when I walked up and rejoined the conversation I freaked out some of the others, because they thought I was just some random weirdo joining in.  It took Ejen chatting with me to make them realize who I was.  Guess I should take that as a compliment.

We did some photo shoots in the library, both group and individual.  I ended up taking charge, because I'm really good at making myself heard and getting things moving, for organizing some of the shots.  I also bought two more copies of the book as gifts for my family, and Ejen gave me one of the limited addition posters they were selling that day only as a gift.  Afterwards, we moved from the library into one of the classrooms and Ejen gave us a talk about the book.  Before he started, though, he actually called me up and shook my hand to thank me for coming, and told everyone how much it meant to him that I was willing to fly all the way out to California for the book release party, way back when.  Afterwards, we all hung out, chatted and joked and did some more photos, till security came and kicked us out.

Overall it was fun, though once again I was the odd one out.  None of my friends came, so I was there alone, unlike everyone else who came in groups.  Also, I was once again the oldest cosplayer there.  And I had literally came straight from work.  It was freezing cold all day, followed by a long drive, so I was tired.  I ended up spending a lot of the time leaning against a pillar by myself, just watching.  I didn't even engage in much of my usual shenanigans.  Though I did at least a little bit.

So, why have I been gone?  Well, that is because I am once again suffering from disappointment.  What happened?  Well, let me introduce a person we will call L, plus L's friends R and D.  I had started chatting with L after the talk.  We were having fun, I was enjoying the conversation.  During which, L ended up giving me a hug.  And then, by L's own choice, kissed me on the cheek.  Now, I wasn't the only one to get that, so I just enjoyed it, planned on tucking it in to my private memories as something nice that happened to me.  Might just have been the last time anyone kissed me.  We continued talking off and on, drifting between conversations.  We took a few photos together, and joked around a bit too.  Then came the end of the night.  We all said goodbye, and I started trying to figure out how to get back to my car.  Ejen told me he was parked in the same area, so we left together.  I thought that would be the end of it.  But as we were walking, L calls out.  Turns out L, R and D had parked in the direction we were going.  And the three of them were NOT dressed for the cold.  Plus L was wearing shoes that were very painful, thus had taken them, and was now walking across the campus barefoot.  So we ended up walking together.  I tried several times to offer the three of them my spare gear.  I was dressed in my work clothes, so I had plenty of layers.  Though they all kept refusing, despite obviously being cold.  L, however, decided on a different tact to keep warm.  L cozied up to me and took my arm, so we were walking arm in arm like a couple.  Ejen reached his car first and left the group.  The four of us walked on.  Eventually I recognized were I was, and figured out my car was actually in a different part of the lot, away from their car.  Despite that, I continued to walk with them, choosing to walk them to their car.  I told them, quite honestly, that I was enjoying walking with them.  And why wouldn't I be, after all.  I was having a nice conversation, and had someone attractive getting close to me.  Eventually I got them to their car, and I went off home.

I don't think anyone would blame me for feeling a spark of hope, given the signs.  Now, though before anyone gets the wrong idea, I was Not reading it as a sign we might be soul mates.  I did not fall in love with L.  But I did hope that L might find me attractive.  That maybe, just maybe, somebody liked me.  That maybe there was a Chance that we could be something more.  Maybe it wouldn't work out.  Maybe we'd get to know one another and find out we were not right for each other.  Not all seeds grow.  But I was hoping that there at least was a seed to plant at all.  But when I got in touch with L, and started chatting again, L just kind of drifted off in the conversation, then eventually stopped.  Didn't seem to want to talk to me anymore.  Then L put up a facebook post referencing being in a relationship.  And I realized that all the signs I read were just L having fun.  I don't think it was deliberately meant to be a joke at my expense, though it would not be the first time that has happened.  Just simply L was being silly, and didn't realize that I might think it was real.  I don't blame L for that, but it still hurts.  For just a moment I thought someone might like me, find me attractive.  But they were just joking around.

I really should know better by now.  No one is ever interested in me for real.