So I mentioned in my last post that I've been in a bad mood recently, which has been a big part of why I haven't been creating any new caps here or on the Haven.  I've been trying to get myself out of it, without success, and I thought I might explain a bit here.

This weekend I'm going to be attending Bronycon.  If you are in the area, stop by and you might just run into me.  And of course, I'll be going in costume.

Ordinarily this would be a good thing, and I'd be very much so excited and happy.  And I was.  I've been looking forward to it for some time now.  Unfortunately, something happened.

My best friend is going to be going as well, which is good.  However, said friend made a post on Facebook regarding costume completion status.  I have no problem with that, but it was through this post that I discovered my friend was still friends, at least on Facebook, with someone from our pasts.  Someone we have a history with, and not a good one.

This person replied to my friend's statement in a way that makes me think it is possible they might be attending.  And that put a major crimp in my enjoyment of the con.  As I said, our history is not a good one, and if we meet it is likely to get ugly fast.  Now, instead of looking forward to the event, I'm wondering if I'm going to have to deal with someone I would never want to even see again.  In fact, as my significant other will attest, just seeing someone who looked like that person was enough to put my hackles up in a major way.

Now, it is not my place to dictate who my friends may be friends with, nor whom they spend their time with (though I can not understand how my friend could be friends with this person given what happened to us).  Nor do I have a way to broach the subject without offending my friend.  But just the thought of what may come is poisoning the whole event.

I know many of you would tell me not to let it bother me.  But you should all know that that is not so easily done.  Especially not for something like me.  Even if this person does not make an appearance, if I do not know for sure it will not happen I will be constantly on guard, even more so than usual.  I'll be looking over my shoulder, waiting for the axe to fall.  And if it does, it is not likely to end well.  At best, I hope to have the strength to do no more than walk away.

I've tried to keep cheerful, I've tried not to let it show.  In fact, I doubt anyone who knows me in real life, save my significant other, even realizes that I'm upset at all, or if they do they likely attribute it to my frustrations with my AC (which is definitely not helping, considering this is the fourth time I've had to have it serviced, and I only bought the house in February).  But even so, the event hasn't even started and already there is a darkness hanging over it.

One of these days I will learn to stop breaking one of my major rules: "never get excited about something, because as soon as you start to look forward to it something will take it away"